Back from the depths of the dreaded flu

I never get a flu shot. M. gets on about every year, which is fine. I'm not opposed to flu shots, but since you can get sick from them and they don't guarantee to stop the flu from entering your body and wreaking havoc, and because I don't remember ever really having the flu except for one time when I was a sophomore in high school and that lasted for half a day, I just don't get a flu shot. Well, welcome back flu, it's been a long, long time since I've seen you.

I worked in our office attic for a few hours last Friday. I am not good in heat (I get physically sick if I get too hot) and that attic gets hot. Anticipating it would be warm up there even though the outside temp was only in the 60's, I went up early. I'm moving boxes and going through them and deciding what we can pitch to make more room for client file storage. Oh the joys of sorting through boxes from the late 90's (and some of them haven't been touched since they were hauled up there, so you can imagine the dust and grime).

Anyway, I started feeling a little questionable after a short period of time up there, but thought I would stick it out, make sure I drink lots of water, dug out a fan. Around 11am I decided it might help if I got out of the attic and had some lunch. So I went to lunch (later that turned out to be a big mistake). I thought I felt better after lunch, so I went back into the attic armed with a super-sized drink to maintain hydration. After about half an hour I knew it wasn't going to be good. I went back down and did some work in my office, felt a bit better, and decided to have one more go at that attic. I had nearly two shelves done when I knew this was not going well, so I headed back down, cleaned up my workspace and told my supervisor I was gone for the day.

I went home, still thinking this was just some heat exhaustion, but once home I ended up spending the afternoon in the bathroom, on the floor, getting to know my toilet pretty well. Once I had emptied myself, took a nap in my whirlpool tub, and generally did nothing until M. got home and I was still feeling sick, I knew this was more than regular heat exhaustion. I was sick, sick. And I usually do not get sick, sick. Sure, I may take half a day off for those monthly cramps, but other than that, I usually don't take time off for sick. Further proof I was sick, sick, I probably spent no more than 10 hours awake from 2pm Friday until this morning.

Even though I could complain about things M. does and nit pick away at his little eccentricities, he was absolutely wonderful this weekend! He took care of me (even though that couldn't have been too big a job since I was asleep most of the time). He took care of the cats (much bigger job since they are spoiled and demanding). He took care of the laundry (all by himself without asking for my advice on sorting, cycles, etc.). He scooped the cat box (yes, falls in with caring for the cats, but this deserves it's own accolade). He went and picked up some $5 foot-longs when I felt I could actually eat something and keep it down. He's a very special person, that M.!

So today I'm not feeling 100%, but it's mainly just the muscle aches. Tonight is M.'s online gaming night with a friend who lives up north, so I will probably soak my flu-battered body in a warm tub. I knew that upgrade to the whirlpool tub when we built our house would be worth it!

Here's to hoping it will be another 12 years before I deal with the flu again!

A Snake! A Snake!

Dear M.,

I know you don't like those creepy, crawling reptiles. Every time we're watching NatGeo or Discovery and a snake is featured you give a little shutter and scrunch up your face.

I personally have always kinda liked snakes. Where I grew up we had these really cute bright green grass snakes. They were itty bitty and I would catch them and let them curl around my finger like a ring. They don't have any teethies, but these little buggers would open their mouths are me like they had the most ferocious fangs in there. They were probably this variety:

Photo by Dave Angell

Smooth Green Grass Snake

(Opheodrys vernalis)

Smooth green snakes, also known as green grass snakes, are bright green with a white chin and belly. Their long narrow mouths give them a smiling appearance.: They are gentle snakes and have not been known to bite or defend themselves when handled.
These snakes are seldom seen due to their camouflage which blends in with their grassy habitat.
Smooth green snakes feed on grasshoppers, caterpillars, spiders, insects and earthworms.

I don't know about the "...have not been known to ...defend themselves when handled." Sure seemed like the ones I caught were pretty pissed off and at least wished they had scary fangs and that menacingly jabbing their heads at me would make me see those imaginary fangs...

Anyway, even though I do not share your fear and dislike of snakes, it seems the people over at Mental Floss have found some good reasons for Indiana Jones (and you) to be scared of them. I remember watching something about the Australia invasion on one of those nature stations. maybe you want to move to Ireland? There are no snakes there...

I miss those little green grass snakes. Maybe I can catch one when I go visiting in June. Think they'll let me board a plane with one? Maybe if we purchase a seat for the little guy? He could be your newest best friend!

Oh well, love ya anyway!

Love,
LilSeed

OfficeView Pro 3.11 - A reality check?

At our office we use spiffy nifty little program called OfficeView Pro 3.11 to help determine if people are in the office, and if they are in, are they available to take calls, answer questions, help others, bitch at, nag, etc.

OfficeView could also be used as a reality check for what is happening in our office over the past few months - we're shrinking. And no, it's not because of all the rain. Silly readers, our office does not melt like the Wicked Witch of the West. It's due to the dreaded downsizing.

When I started working here about 4 years ago, all the employees had offices on the first floor and all the employees' names fit on the OfficeView display without having to resize or scroll. Oh, the simplicity of popping that thing up and getting everyone's status at a glance! But then we started growing and rapidly over the next 2 years OfficeView became a monster and you had to do all sorts of resizing and scrolling to be able to see what everyone was up to. Oh the scrolling created so much work!

But then our business took a huge nosedive and we had to financially scale back. This meant people lost their jobs. In once case, a person who had been here about 6-7 years lost her job and I think she took it as a betrayal... In any case, we were now shrinking. OfficeView once again because manageable, but at the same time it is sort of depressing. Now we long again for the days of resizing and scrolling.

Also, if you take a look at today's OfficeView display below, you will see even in our depleted state, we have only about half of the employees in at 10:30am. Belch! I want to set my OfficeView status to 'In, But Unavailable.' I want this to be my status forevermore - but then where would annoying 'I registered my cell phone!' get all her information? Who would she bother? Actually, I would like to permanently set myself as 'Out,' but then would the entire agency implode? One wonders....

To M.

Dear M.,

You're going to Radiohead!! Can you believe after all these years waiting for them to tour again that you've actually got tickets to see them?

I remember trying to get you tickets several years ago when they played in Atlanta (can it be that we've been married long enough for me to say 'several years?!') I even had your cousin trying to help me get those darn tickets and it just didn't work out. But this time? This time we have two confirmed seats for the concert!

You owe me (snark, snark, snark). I guess you going with me on July 19th will be compensation... Well, I'm off to request the day after the concert off so we aren't dead on our feet the next day. See you for lunch!

XOXOXOX

Love,
LilSeed

PS - SHMILY!

Frame Challenge From Sunshine Studio Scraps

Sunshine Studio Scraps is holding another challenge. Criteria is to use three different frames. So I did the following featuring my nephew Fisher.

Credits:

• background paper is blue sky by Moon Scraps
• frames, snowflakes, tassel, and tag by Jeanie Baechtold (from her "Brisk" set available at ComputerScrapbook.com)
• index card by Shauna Burke-Smith of Pineapple Plantation
• fonts used: St. Nicholas and Arial Rounded MT Bold
  

Also, I was chosen as one of the winners of the previous color challenge!

Self-Diagnosis: NPD

Dear Everyone Who Knows Me In Real Life:

How many of you think of me as a nice person? Go ahead, raise your hands... hmmm... I have a confession for you if you raised your hand - you're wrong. I've been thinking about myself today (which will feed into this entire letter/post), and I figured something out. I may like to do nice things, but why do I do them? Mainly because I enjoy the attention it brings me.

I have a limited store of "nice." This is because I can only do so many nice things and then it gets old to me and the store has to refill. Being nice is exhausting to me. It uses a lot of my energy. I am not a naturally nice person, I have to work at it. That's why this is the Snark Chronicles and not the Miss Nicey Pants Chronicles.

I decided to do a little self analysis. I've self diagnosed myself as having "Narcissistic Personality Disorder," or NPD. The all-knowing Wikipedia give the following definition of NPD

a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy

A subject has to fit at least 5 of 9 indicators to have NPD. Any guesses which 6 I attribute to myself? M. could probably guess with good accuracy. Also, NPD afflicts about 1% of the general population - awesome possum! I'm in an elite group!

Oh, and just FYI - I have a bit of "nice" right now. Any takers? It won't last long...

Yours Truly,
LilSeed

PS - I am quietly adoring myself in my office today, please do not stop by and interrupt me. Thank you.

Get ready for dinner parties and sexy beards

Who missed me? Oh, you didn't notice I didn't post over the weekend? Maybe you didn't miss me. That's okay. I spent the weekend sleeping off cramps and steam cleaning my living room floor. M. is the official picker upper of wet cat hair the steam cleaner sucks up and deposits on the top of the carpet. We could probably make a new kitten out of the amount of hair that thing sucks up. Now doesn't that sounds like a weekend in heaven?

This post once a day for a whole month thing (NaBloPoMo) is kicking my butt this month. Workdays, easy peasy. Who wouldn't rather post than work? Weekends? Sleeping usually sounds better than posting. It's probably because most of my material comes from the office. Oh, that reminds me, The Office is back this week with an all new episode!! Get ready for Michael and Jan's dinner party. Dwight was not invited... Also, who thinks Ryan looks sexy with his new beard (well, it was new last season, or was that the beginning of this season? I can no longer tell since the writer's strike interrupted everything) . Anyway, tune in this Thursday for dinner parties and sexy beards. If you've never watched The Office, get the DVD's of the first three seasons and catch up! If you like my blog you will love The Office. Now that is a ringing endorsement!

Since I have no witty letter to post today (at least not yet...) here are some things that might entertain you this morning:

• Expressions by Ree the Pioneer Woman. Ree is one of my favorite bloggers right now. Her posts are funny, her photos are great, and she has some darn good recipes - just ask M. He has been amazed by my cooking lately and most of it is thanks to Ree!
• Spacesuit or swimsuit? That is the question posed by this article on forecast earth. Maybe it could be called the "Highlight those genitals" suit?
• Ewww - how dirty is your cell phone? Mine isn't too bad because I almost never use it. But here's an interesting video about all the bacteria living on your mobile device. The guy in the blue and white striped shirt is kinda cute, in a slightly dorky way. The bathroom scene reminds me of someone in my office... what's growing on his phone? Yucky!
• Maybe weekends off from my blog are a good thing (even though I have yet to earn any money from this blog..) Be careful how much you blog!
• One last thing, my new favorite digital scrapping site is Scrap Orchard. They've been having some 'freebee' giveaways the past week and some challenges to celebrate their grand opening. I did a few layouts this weekend to participate and plan to do another one tonight. Check out the gallery and see if you can find my lovely postings. I even used human subjects instead of my favorite furries.

Lists was the March NaBloPoMo theme. Not only is April kicking my butt, I am reverting to March. Oh well, I am allowed a few crazy days a month, right?

Shameful...

To the local cosmetic surgery place:

I heard your advertisement on the radio the other morning. I am disgusted by your new target: sensitive parents who worry their child may not be a beauty queen or the best looking boy in class.

Yes, some children need cosmetic surgery to correct some kind of deformity (birth, accident-related, etc.), however this not what you speak to in your commercial. You instead tell parents that they can get their children "fixed" and "pageant ready" and they can now do it as early as 2 months old. I shudder to think of the parent who hear this commercial, look at their baby lying in his or her crib, and thinks, "hmm, you could look better... let's get you ready for those pageants!"

The parents who would take advantage of your services just to pretty up their child also disgust me, however, local cosmetic surgery place, you are perpetuating the problem by advertising the way you do.

I hope that due to your poor choice and tactless advertising that your business drops. I hope you never get a 2 month old child in your office because they are not "pageant ready." I hope you feel ashamed.

Sincerely,
LilSeed

Alert, Alert! I registered my CELL PHONE!!

Dear Coworker,

When our boss sent out an email proclaiming everyone must register their cell phones with the no call list or they would be plagued by telemarketers I tried to do the responsible thing by finding the accurate information and providing the information to said boss. Little did I know that it would be forwarded to the entire office and you would go into panic mode.

Coworker, I sincerely regret ever sending out accurate information that is beyond your comprehension. I did not realize that it would result in a ten minute phone call trying to explain to you that no, it does not matter if you did register your cell phone with the no call list, you just don't have to.

No, the email originally sent out by our boss is not a hoax, per se. It is a mass hysteria email that got started when the mention of a national cell phone directory got out. This caused people to think, "Oh no! My cell phone number will be published and every telemarketer in the world will call me at dinner time!" This started the emails, but what the email doesn't tell you is that you need to opt-in to the cell phone directory. Without opting in, your cell phone is not going to be published and those telemarketers will not be able to reach you because you know what? They won't have your number!!

Please refer to these websites that I conveniently included in the email bossman forwarded and you apparently did not check out before panicking and calling me: Federal Trade Commission: The Truth about Cell Phones and the National Do Not Call Registry and Snopes.com: Celling Your Soul.

"But LilSeed," you say, "you are the queen of all knowledge." I know dear coworker, and the ten minute call this afternoon probably would not have bothered me if you didn't make similar calls to me at least three times a week about everything under the sun.

Perhaps sometime we could sit down and I could give you a lesson or two on who to call when and how to do some 'net research yourself. Give me a call some time and we can set that up. Or on second thought, don't call me - I will call you.

Sincerely,
LilSeed

Clyde and Luigi Demand This

This is the house belonging to Rachel Hunter's dogs. Shhh, don't tell Cly and Lu - they would certainly demand a beautiful villa like this for themselves, well, one each. Cly certainly would not share a villa with Luigi given the choice. And you know what, if the price was reasonably in my budget I would buy them this villa... What spoiled boys they are!

Mother Freak Out

Dear Mom,

Please do not leave a voice mail on my cell phone saying you will email if you're not going to email. I waited for three days to get your email and nothing came. Then, you called me at work. You've never called me at work before - not in my entire life. Needless to say, my heart jumped into my throat and in the two seconds it took for the receptionist to transfer your call to my phone a dozen possibilities ran through my mind. Did dad's prostate cancer come back? Did grandpa have a heart attack? Was J. in a car accident? Plus a bunch of others. And what did you call for? To see if I would like for you and dad to buy me a plane ticket to come visit this summer. Hell yeah, you can buy me a plane ticket! But did you have to give me a minor coronary event at the same time?

Sure, I could have emailed you, but you said you would email me. Sure, I could have given you a phone call, but I hate, hate, hate talking on the phone. Please, next time just leave a more detailed message or email me!

Love,
LilSeed

Sunshine Challenge #2

STILL no winner announcement in that contest I entered. So, I decided to enter a different contest on another digital scrapbooking website - Sunshine Studio Scraps. This was their second challenge (I didn't do the first) and the goal was to utilize a predetermined color palette (shown below). Here's my entry featuring Clyde!

Entrance to Hell

Who knew it was in Russia? Hey, I work with a Russian!

Okay, Google Got Me (briefly)

There was a new link at the top of my Gmail screen today. It said Gmail had a new feature. Well, cool, I'm all up for new features. So I clicked the link to New! Gmail Custom Time. I read the article about how I can now "be on time every time" by using Gmail Custom Time to set any date and time on my emails, at least as far back as April 1, 2004 (and no, that did not tip me off, I kept reading...).

I thought to myself how cool this was. I could send emails and they would appear to be from whatever day and time I wanted. Then I got to the part where it said each user could only do this 10 time because doing this more than 10 times would cause people to lose faith in the accuracy of time (now I'm thinking...).

Hmmm, that seemed strange to me. Why offer a cool new feature that I can use only 10 times?! Oh yeah, it's April 1st. So I emailed M.

P.S. - I did not read the Beta User Testimonials until I was writing this post and went to the page to link back to it. Funny stuff! Thanks, Google! This one is my fav, M. is anxiously waiting for Radiohead tickets to go on sale at a location near us,

"I just got two tickets to Radiohead by being the 'first' to respond to a
co-worker's 'first-come, first-serve' email. Someone else had already won them,
but I told everyone to check their inboxes again. Everyone sort of knows I used
Custom Time on this one, but I'm denying it."
Robby S., Paralegal

Digi-Scrap Masquerade

Okay, still no winner announcement in that contest I entered. But their site is finally up so I was able to grab my layout images to post on my blog. There were six challenges and we had one week to create a layout based on the challenge and get it posted to the challenge gallery (except for the 1st challenge, we had two weeks for that one). The contest was hosted by Digital Candy. If you're interested, you can get the lowdown on the contest here. And the gallery designated for the contest is here.

Standard Equipment

Dear Fellow Drivers,

Did you know your car comes with some amazing standard equipment? From my road time experiences, it is obvious some of you do not. Let me introduce you to this little beauty: the turn signal. You might also know the turn signal as "blinkers," "flashers," "indicators," or "that little stick sticking out of the steering wheel."

Since this has been included on cars since the 1920's in some form or another, your car should be equipped with a turn signal. Did you know that this little device will let the other drivers around you that are not clairvoyant know when you are going to make a turn! Wow!

Since most vehicles have this handy dandy feature sticking out of the left side of the steering column all you need to do is reach over there and give it a little push to activate it when you feel like making your vehicle go right or left. Once activated, lights will flash on the front and the back of your vehicle so those other drivers around you will know you are going to turn. NOTE: you will also see little flashy arrows on your dash, so you too will know you are turning!

This means when we both stop at a four-way stop and I am waiting for you to go straight because of lack of turn signal, you could reach down and flip that sucker on and I would know you are going to turn and not go straight!

Also, at the pesky two-way stop on my way home that crosses a major highway, I've seen a plethora of fellow drivers make left turns without bothering to use their turn signal. Perhaps you just didn't know that your care is equipped with this handy dandy device? Well, in any case, you do have one, so please, to avoid a good number of accidents that occur at this particular intersection, reach over there and flip that sucker on! Your left turn needs not be a secret any more!

I know that the use of your turn signal may interrupt other driving activities, such as smoking, applying makeup, eating, etc., but it would be such a huge favor to me if you would just use that darn thing, especially now that I have written to make you aware of this standard equipment on your vehicle. For further reference, you could always pull your vehicle's manual out of your glove box, or contact your vehicle's manufacturer.

Sincerely,
LilSeed

Meeting Mayhem

Meeting Mayhem

a brief play by LilSeed

Cast of Characters

MAURESA, a “higher up,” older woman with a bad sense of what constitutes a joke

RAEA, overworked member of the staff, younger woman with a wicked mind

NICIA, quiet observer of office life

MISCELLANEOUS OFFICE STAFF

This play takes place during a routine staff meeting, anywhere.

Act I (the only act)

Scene 1 (the only scene)

At Rise: (An office meeting room, anywhere in middle America. Mid-morning. The entire office staff has gathered around tables arranged in a long rectangle. At the head of the rectangle sit MAURESA and NICIA. RAEA is near the head of the rectangle, but seated on a side diagonally from MAURESA. Meeting is well underway.)

RAEA

I believe we should further discuss how we are going to streamline office operations. I know we worked on such a process some time ago, but there has not been any progress thus far. Here is what I was thin--

MAURESA

We certainly could revisit that, but I thought it had all been taken care of. You need to let us higher ups know what you are thinking or there is nothing we can do for you.

(Holding up her hand to stop RAEA and smiling with false syrupy sweetness)

RAEA

I only mention this for the good of the entire group.

(Several MISCELLANEOUS STAFF MEMBERS nod approvingly. NICIA observes the back and forth, but reserves judgment.)

MAURESA

I believe as higher ups (gestures to those sitting to her immediate right and left) we know what is good for this office. While I would love to hear your ideas privately in my office, I do not appreciate you bringing them up here in front of this group where I am put on the spot and cannot do more than give you sickeningly sweet smiles and pretend to appreciate what you are saying.

RAEA

Okay, but if you would really listen to what I am saying and not just pretend like you are listening that would really help me and everyone else here out.

MAURESA

Let's discuss what will be going on the rest of this week in the office.

(Ignores RAEA and moves onto another topic of discussion.)

NICIA

(whispered under her breath) This will be the end of Mauresa.

(Wathcing the exchange with growing apprehension and also some secret delight because she knows what is coming next...)

RAEA

(glares menacingly across the table, rage evident in the reds of her eyes. Suddenly, she leaps from her chair and seemingly flies across the room to grasp MAURESA's thick neck between her hands. RAEA slowly begins to twist and turn her hands, slowly and meticulously ridding MAURESA of her breath)

MISCELLANEOUS STAFF MEMBERS

(All clap and cheer for RAEA, the new office hero)

(FADE TO BLACK)

(CURTAIN)

My Monday Snark

I recently entered a digital scrapbooking contest. I don't do a lot of scrapbooking, per se, but thought it would be fun. I had planned to do my last March post as a photo listing of my contest layouts. The contest was a masquerade and no one knew who did which layouts (not a problem for me since I'd never posted anything to the website anyway). So I was waiting for the winner announcement before I put any of my layouts on my blog. And today is the day the winners are supposed to be announced.

I have been trying to take a look at the site since I got up this morning and ventured out of the bedroom (6:40am). But this is what the site has looked like all day:

Bandwidth Limit Exceeded
The server is temporarily unable
to service your request due to the site owner reaching his/her bandwidth limit.
Please try again later.
Apache/1.3.41 Server at digitalcandy.ca Port
80

Blah!

April NaBloPoMo - Letters

The NaBloPoMo theme for April is letters - interpreted however you please. I think this is going to be a bit easier for me than the lists theme. I've never been a big list maker...

I get other people's snarks, too!

I just had a coworker visit my office. She has a very legitimate snark (probably even more legitimate than my own, but hey, this is my blog). She is getting married and had her invitations delivered to the office so she would be around at the time of delivery. Luckily, she was also tracking the invitations or they may have ended up in Office Lala Land.

Well, by way of UPS tracking, it showed that the invitations were delivered to the office yesterday. Unfortunately, our usual front office worker who is so very good at what she does was off yesterday and we had some fill-ins, one being the subject of my previous Mr. Obvious Post and also a character in the Old Lady Lunch post. Well, this particular coworker signed for the invitations and ended up stashing them with a bunch of Staples deliveries in a large, mostly unused room.

When my soon-to-be-wed coworker went searching for her invitations today there was no record of the delivery with the front office and it took some time to track them down. Fill-in coworker was all, "I didn't even notice your name on the box!" Well, duh, there it is in black and white on the label. Not to mention the invitation box looked nothing like the other boxes clearly labeled as "Staples" that they were stashed with.

Please, oh please, this is a plea for conscientious, detail-oriented coworkers, especially if you are doing fill-in duty. Can you imagine if something had happened to these wedding invitations?

What is snarking me out today?

bookshelf boogery: We have a small lending library where I work. I was recently put in charge of this library and have been working on cataloging everything and devising the best way to get the word out to our clients. Well, having the library physically located in the back of the office where clients do not go and shoved in a corner did not seem to me the best idea. I proposed moving it into a more client-accessible area and adding at least one additional bookshelf since the one we currently have is overflowing. Well, moving it was approved. So was the purchase of an entirely new bookshelf - one bookshelf. Our office is in "financial lock down" due to a slow in business. We've even had to lay people off because of this, yet we have to purchase an entirely new bookshelf to match the bookshelves already in the area where the library is moving. The new bookshelf arrived yesterday while I was out sick. I saw it when I came in this morning. 1) the bookshelf does not match the preexisting shelves, 2) it appears smaller than the shelf the library is currently housed on (did I not mention that I needed more space?!), and 3) we have several empty shelves just sitting around here because of the employee layoffs. One of the "higher ups" asked me this morning what I thought of the new shelf. I said, "Well, it's a bookshelf." She didn't much care for that response, but hey, she was the one I discussed my library shelf needs with. Next week's project: fitting a library that doesn't fit it's current shelf onto a smaller shelf...

rampant road rage: Most of the streets around our office have a 30 mph speed limit. Guess how fast I drive on these streets? Yep, 30 mph. How fast does the general public drive on these streets? Oh, I'd say about 45-50 mph. For those of you who rode the ass of my car today as I went to lunch, did you notice the gas prices at the several stations we passed? It's insane and only going up. Did you know driving the speed limit is not only the legal way to drive, but also a gas saver? So as you passed me in the turn only lane, I just thought to myself how nice it will be to drive for 2-3 weeks on my current tank of gas rather than 1 week. I will also continue to drive 60 mph in the interstate 70 mph zone because this also is nicer to my car and my budget. So there.

restaurant ruffians: I had an early lunch today and felt like getting out of the office for a bit. So I drove down the street (at 30 mph) to one of my favorite local eateries. I was the first one in for lunch today and had my pick of where to sit. I like to read during my lunch hour, so I chose a table out of the way and off to the side. The second group in for lunch was a lady and her two children. Where do they chose to sit? Well, the lady and her daughter sit at the table right behind me and kick my chair each time they move between the tables. Meanwhile, the son is sitting at a counter in the middle of the dining room instead of with the rest of his party, so they are shouting back and forth to each other while I am trying to concentrate on the plight of a Burmese prisoner in The Lizard Cage. No, please do not sit at any of the other empty tables in the dining room, please, please, please sit right behind me, kick my chair, and loudly discuss chip choices across the room.

impeded inquiry: I handle a good deal of our office's interactions with outside agencies and contractors. Today a coworker emailed me to see if the way to contact a previous employee-turned-contractor was the same as it had been in the past. I assumed it was since technically, the only thing that changed was this person's financial relationship with our office, but I copied one of the "higher ups" to get confirmation as I knew she would be able to give a definitive answer on the question. "Yes," she snarks back at us, "it is still the same, were you're ears shoved up your asses when we discussed that in this week's staff meeting?" Okay, those might not have been the exact words she used, but the tone was the same. Excuse us for making certain instead of obliviously sending a client off on a wild goose chase to contact this previous employee-turned-contractor.

snarky superfluity: Okay, ego check here. I am not the first snarky blogger out there. Bummer! A coworker sent me the link to Snarky Bitch yesterday, but being out sick, I did not see it until today. Ironically, this blog is about a single woman on a quest to become a mother. Now, it is not the author of Snarky Bitch that snarked me out, it is my own impertinence in thinking my Snark Chronicles was so unique. That will teach me to not Google snarky to see what other blogs might be out there before assuming I am so great. (I did Google snarky this afternoon and there are several snarky blogs out there, and some have extremely clever names that I admire, such as Snarky Malarkey.)

This Week's Ruminations

Here's some random thoughts from this week:

• How can I sleep for 12 hours and still be tired?!
• Did my boss drink the water during his recent trip to South America? (unfortunately my office is stationed near the bathroom)
• Does M. realize when he decides to spend extra time in bed it affects my getting to work on time? (he will love, love, love that I posted this)
• Our apple juice tastes kind of funky
• Cly needs some mushy cat food to stop the hairballs
• How I loathe grocery shopping - such a necessary evil
• When I go home sick the office should not call me repeatedly (I was sleeping)
• Cly was especially grumpy this morning - almost took my hand off when I tried to keep him from eating my library book
• People need to quit road raging - I drive 60 mph in the 70 zone because it is better for my gas mileage. Didn't you notice gas prices are outrageous?! (Plus, I need my average mph to be better than M.'s - it a marital war thing)
• I need to find some time this weekend to write a brief play (Meeting Mayhem)

Cafeteria Colloquy

I had lunch with a friend from college today. My friend is very high energy and could probably talk nonstop. She can exhaust me without my having to do anything! I don't have to add much to a conversation since she is very chatty. Here's a list of topics we discussed today (or she talked at me):

• how hectic her job is
• how things are same old same old around here
• items she needs to purchase before she and her husband get a referral (they are adopting)
• Russia
• upcoming primary elections
• some guy she works with that is so democratic he almost lost a finger last year
  
• twins
• M.'s job
• job raises
• her trainee from Egypt
• next week's lunch
  

Deconstructing a Psychopath

M. and I are watching the first season of Dexter on Netflix. (You can also catch the toned down version of season 1 on CBS.) We've watched five episodes so far and I am really liking this show. Things I like about Dexter:

• Dexter's early life before his foster parents the Morgans took him in is a mystery
• Dexter's job is to interpret blood splatters at crime scenes
• Dexter is played by Michael C. Hall who I first enjoyed in Six Feet Under on HBO
• For his entire life, Dexter has been learning how to act normal and fit in with general society
• Harry Morgan, Dexter's adoptive father, was a cop and recognized Dexter's urge to kill early
• Harry taught Dexter to be "normal" and to use his psychopathology for good (only killing the "bad" guys)
• Dexter's sister Deb is one tough cookie (and also a cop)
  
• I love psychological thrillers and this gives me a one hour dose each time I watch it
• The show has a cool theme song

Reality TV

I admit to watching a bit too much tv, but hey, I enjoy it! Today I caught up on the newest season of one of my favorite reality shows, Top Chef. So today I am doing a list of my favorite reality tv shows, in no particular order:

1. Top Chef on Bravo
2. Survivor on CBS
3. The Apprentice on NBC
4. Trading Spaces on TLC
5. The Amazing Race on CBS
6. Flipping Out on Bravo
7. The Girls Next Door on E!
8. The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency on Oxygen
9. Janice and Abbey on Oxygen
10. The Mole on ABC
11. Mythbusters on Discovery Channel
12. Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica on MTV
13. Tori and Dean: Inn Love on Oxygen
14. What Not To Wear on TLC

I do not follow all these shows all the time, but have watched them all at least for one season and enjoyed them. I really didn't think my list was going to be this long, but I reviewed the list of reality shows at Reality TV World and wow, there are a lot out there!

That Coworker

You know, that coworker. The one that just seems to dig a little under your skin for a day. I had one of those today. Luckily, it was a short day for Good Friday. Here's some things said coworker does to just nibble away at the very subcutis of my being:

1. the skin-tight clothes
   
2. many, many layers of makeup
3. jingle, jangly jewelry
4. exclamations of "I simply cannot do another thing"
5. the angry foreign language speak
6. the loud, obnoxious laugh I can hear all the way down the hall
7. high heels all the time
8. starting late several mornings in a row
9. too much cleavage for work
10. emails that always seem a little too accusatory

I really do like all the people who are currently working at my office, but you know, some days some people are just too much, especially for someone like me who generally does not belong in the general public.

Picture list of my kitties

Random Work Day Thoughts

1. I wish it would quit raining
2. I'm tired of printing everything for someone who wants a paperless office
3. How many times can I send the same email to someone before he reads it?
4. I wish the Art Institute would quit calling me
5. I know someone who could really use this parenting video
6. How much should you let your personal life affect your work?
7. Just because someone says nothing can be done right now doesn't mean they're not working on the problem
8. Your false cheerfulness makes me gag
9. I hope she's okay and doesn't feel obligated to work all day
10. What is a mechanical pizza?
11. If there was a mechanical pizza, what would be the word for wanting to poke your eye out with it?
12. Don't beg people to do something like you've asked a million times before if this is the first time you are asking
13. I'm glad in a financial crunch we're worried about the things that matter - like making sure bookshelves in the front office match...
14. Why won't glue stick work on the envelopes?
15. Is it time to go home yet?!

I do like my job, but today was not the best of days...

I want to get away with a AAA Getaway!

My workplace bought the entire office pizza for lunch today because the rain just has not stopped and it is miserable outside. So I stayed in for lunch with a handful of coworkers and did not read (I was looking forward to finishing Stray this afternoon, but anyway...)

I'm not sure if I took my full hour or not, so I decided to take a mini-break from my work this afternoon. I had received an email from AAA about various getaway packages they offer. I thought that was cool. M. and I never go anywhere, so I thought I'd check them out. So I scrolled down the list and found a few I wanted to read more about, but when I click on the specific package I get this:

Error
The reservation service is being currently being
upgraded.
No member name.

Figures! So here is a list of AAA Getaways I would be pursuing right now if I wasn't getting, "Error! Error! No Getaway for you!" (Makes me think of that robot from Lost in Space that would wave his springy arms around and bleep "Warning! Warning! Danger Will Robinson!")

• Escape to Alcatraz (I just watched The Rock this weekend!)


• Medieval Times


• Los Angeles or New York Show Package - Wicked (great book, would love to see the play)


• Wild San Diego


• Big Apple Adventure (with its museums, theaters, and parks this sounds right up M.'s alley... um, yeah riiight!)


• Terra Cotta Warriors: Guardians of the First Emperor


• The Southern Way of Savannah


• The Emerald City (would love to stop in on a friend while on the west coast)

A coworker told me today I hadn't been very snarky on my blog lately. I think I'm all snarked out for now - maybe the rain washed away my snark?

Another Quickie

Just a quick list to stay in the NaBloPoMo running for March lists! Here are the crafty blogs I enjoy and keep track of in my Google Reader:

1. Digital Candy
2. fertilepress
3. Laughing Lion Design
4. Pineapple Plantation
5. Racketty Scrappety
6. Scrap Big
7. SpragueLab
8. Sugarplum Paperie

Stations of the Cats

5:00 AM: begin food incursion by knocking things off nightstands and dressers, jumping on sleeping people and meowing very loudly

6:35 AM: continue food incursion by pacing around the bathroom, make attempt to get into the shower and get all wet

6:45 AM: chow down!

6:50 AM: bath time

6:55 AM: litter box diversion

7:00 AM: hide and seek behind the quilt on the bed

7:05 AM: nap time...

12:00 PM: ... still napping

2:00 PM: get all the toys out and spread them around the house

2:15 PM: more napping

3:15 PM: bath time

4:45 PM: people arrive home, time for another food incursion with loud meows and running under foot

5:00 PM: 2nd chow down!

5:15 PM: retire to various sleeping places - the futon, under the bed, etc.

5:20 PM: bath time and napping

7:00 PM: 3rd food incursion begins...

9:45 PM: final chow down!

9:55 PM: bath time, general playtime

10:30 PM: avert people's attempts to capture and contain

11:00 PM: have free run of the house

11:05 PM - approx. 2:00 AM: unknown activities

2:00 AM: join the people on the bed, nap time

4:45 AM: prepare for 1st food incursion of the day...

Blogs I've Recently Discovered

Here's a quick list of blogs I recently discovered (thank you Google Reader) and will be adding to my sidebar links very soon:

1. Confessions of a Pioneer Woman
2. Mental Floss blog (thanks Ali, not Google!)
3. The Pioneer Woman Cooks!

In The Woods

Last night I finished reading In The Woods by Tana French. This book focuses on a detective who has to go back to the small neighborhood where he grew up to investigate the murder of a 12 year old girl. This case is especially disturbing for the detective because he was involved in a similar (perhaps related?) case when he was about the same age in which two of his friends disappeared. So, in essence, this book focuses on two cases: a present day case and a 20 year old cold case.

By the end of the book one case will be solved and the other will not. I really enjoyed this book up until the point where the detective and his partner start cracking the case that will be solved in the end. At this point, the book started to get a little too far-fetched for me and in the end, I wished that either both cases had been solved or the one that wasn't solved had been the one that was.

I was an okay read - as long as the copy you pick up doesn't smell like cigarette smoke (unless you enjoy the smell of cigarettes)!

I just got back from a trip to my library. On to other reads!

Grumbly Morning

This was not the list I was going to do for NaBloPoMo today. I was going to do a cutesy post and list about my adorable Clyde and Luigi, but instead absolutely must do this list instead because it will help my mental state for the day.

Let me preface this by saying I love and adore M. and both my furry babies, but this morning the combination of them about put me over the edge. Writing this post will allow me to decompress and enjoy the rest of my day (unless someone else sets off my snarkiness, which is entirely possible...).

Morning happenings that raised my blood pressure a bit:

• Clyde and Luigi decided to have a rip, roaring, hissy race around the bedroom about half an hour before I had to be awake.
• When M. and I got into the kitchen to have our breakfast, M. did a pouty little whiny thing because all the plastic bowls he usually uses for his cereal were in the dishwasher - dirty. Never mind that we also have a cabinet full of other bowls...
• M. finally concedes to using a non-plastic bowl for his cereal. When he opens the fridge to get the milk he sees two ribeye steaks defrosting and decides to rant a bit about those. (I had put the steaks in there a couple days ago so I can try out a new recipe.) M. decided the steaks were going to be in there too long to be good (never mind that they have been in the freezer for almost a year), and that he wasn't sure I should be experimenting on his "prime" steaks (never mind that I am using them in a special meal he will be able to enjoy).
• When I turned on the light to go back to the bedroom and finish getting ready for work I saw that one of the cats had a poo incident and apparently had to use the carpet as toilet paper. That ruined any chances of being to work early this morning.
• When M. heard me grumbling about the bowl, the steak, and the poo, he basically told me I shouldn't be snarky (not in those exact words).

Well, M. can be woken up early by demon cats, listen to me whine about not having a particular dish, him making me a special dinner, and scrub up some poo first thing in the morning and we'll see if he can ward of the snarkies.

Well, that felt good. I will now let you get back to your day and I will go on with mine having released my morning snarkiness into the void of the internet.

A Post Tribute to M.

M. loves, loves, loves Star Wars. He's been all about Star Wars since he was little. He still has all the classic toys (at his mom and dad's). Luckily, he was a bit of an anal child and his toys are still in very good condition and probably worth a bit of $$$.

As a tribute to M., I am doing a Star Wars related list today. I actually found this list through the Mental Floss blog, so I am also giving myself a break and being lazy by using a list compiled by someone else. So, as a tribute to my Star Wars loving husband, M., here is a list of things that look like the Death Star! (courtesy of Miss Cellania's Files at Mental Floss)

1. The Hotel Full Moon in Baku, Azerbaijan



2. The RAK Convention and Exhibition Center in the new city of Ras al Khaimah, UAE









3. The Belarus National Library








4. AT&T’s world globe logo







5. Panasonic R-70 transistor radio, marketed as the Panapet







6. Mimas, one of the inner moons of Saturn

Random Memories

For my NaBloPoMo list of the day I give you Random Memories from LilSeed's childhood:

boots on a fence - I grew up in a rural community in North Dakota. On the drive to our home we passed horse pastures where the farmer put all his old boots out to pasture on the fence posts - very rugged!

tonka trucks -They were my brother's, but my sister and I loved playing with them in the sandbox too!

cow bones and deer antlers - My dad built our house on 23 acres of land that were previous horse and cow pastures. I loved roaming around the wild areas dad did not maintain as yard. Every now and then I would come across some cow bones. I even found a set of deer antlers that now reside in my garage.

sweat pants - I absolutely HATED jeans until I was in high school. I loved to wear my sweat pants all the time.

clean bedding - I always loved when my mom changed the bedding on my bed (still love it when I change the bedding on my bed). I loved the smell of the clean sheets (mom dried them outside during spring and summer) and how tight everything was tucked.

the rock - there was a big circle in the middle of our neighborhood with a flagpole in it. Near the flagpole was a gigantic rock. All the kids in the neighborhood creatively called this "the rock" and it was a meeting place for kids all through my childhood.

stuck in the mud - My dad loves trees and has planted a big tree row around both yards we had when I was growing up. One spring I was walking in the tree row and the mud was so wet and sticky from the snow melt that I got stuck. No way was I getting out of that mud! I yelled for help and the workmen from a house site next door heard me and rescued me (but not my boots) from the mud. My mom was so embarrassed!

heat stroke - I've never been good with heat and humidity. My family used to take trips to Medora, SD during the summers. One year we went horse riding (just trail horses). I was hot that day and I started to feel yucky. Then I started to black out while on the horse. Luckily, I wasn't too far behind the trail leader who heard me telling my dad I was going to pass out. The trail leader (a very rugged cowboy type) jumped off his horse and got me down before I fell off. He also stayed with me under a tree while the rest of the group continued on. They came back for me with a jeep and some water.

And, just for fun, here is a picture of a Tasmanian devil that I can across and thought was cute. Apparently, these are pretty stinky critters, and from the look on this beast's face, they're pretty snarky too!

image by Wayne McLean

You said you wanted to go paperLESS?

When I started working where I currently work I heard lots of things about going paperless. We were going to be a green, paperless (or at least paper minimum) office. Exciting!

While this office does make very good use of our computer system and we could go pretty much paperless, there is a sticking point - the Executive Director! He has a printer right on his desk. Yet what did I have waiting for me when I got in this morning? Two emails from him that said "print this for me." Each email had multiple attachments - some several pages long (one was over 50 pages).

So this gets the biggest eye roll I've done in a long time. Paperless my ass. Some people here can't even send their documents to the printer right next to them much less go without the paper!

BPS

Some time in late 2006 or early 2007 I discovered a website called Big Picture Scrapbooking. Here you can take a variety of online courses centering on scrapbooking. So for my NaBloPoMo list for today, here's a list of classes I have taken, am currently taking or am registered to take:

1. Art of Becoming More
2. Art That Happens to be Your Life
3. Get Organized and be Inspired
4. Handmade Book Club (monthly)
5. A Year to Remember
6. Brushworks
7. Deliciously Digital
8. Doing It Digi

These keep my weekends fairly full right now and the first two on my list haven't even started! The last three courses got me into digital scrapbooking and using PhotoShop. Here, for your viewing pleasure is a photo of a friend in Vietnam that I altered in PhotoShop.


credit for the bamboo: Shauna of Pineapple Plantation

Changes, changes

To reflect my new blog name, tomorrow my blog website address will become snarkchronicles.blogspot.com. Thanks!

Weekend Productivity Day

Saturday was a day of doing almost nothing. The most productive thing I did all day was to run the dishwasher and then unload it when it was done. Sunday, now that was my weekend productivity day. Here's a list of what I accomplished on Sunday:

1. Two loads of laundry (we don't get too much piled up since it's just M. and I)
2. Grocery shopping (what we can't get from Schwan's)
3. Read several chapters in the stinky copy of In The Woods (lit candle nearby to try to offset some of the cigarette stench)
4. Created a new banner for my blog
5. Upgraded to the new blogger format
6. Totally revamped my blog - how do you like it?
7. Made a book for a coworker (you should see my books, they are fabulous!)
8. Went to Target for household supplies which we were in desperate need of - need to the tune of $115!
9. Showed M. my rearranged office space at work
10. Watched Resident Evil: Extinction with M.
    

Recently Read

I recently finished the following books:

1. Duma Key by Stephen King; I really enjoyed this book. I like the mixture of spooky and artsy in this story. I love Stephen King books, but have had a hard time getting into his post-accident stuff. Both Cell and Duma Key remind me more of the early King.


2. Lights Out Tonight by Mary Jane Clark; This was given to me by a coworker to read. While the story was interesting, I felt the writing was a bit forced. It almost reminded me of a book I would have read in junior high. One reader on Amazon.com rated the book 2 stars and said that the only thing that redeemed the book was the suspense - that she didn't know who the killer was until the end. I agree with this assessment.


3. Down River by John Hart; Excellent! I read John Hart's first book The King of Lies some time ago and like it well enough, but this book was a great step beyond the first. I look forward to more Hart books.

I am currently reading In the Woods by Tana Hart. I'm only a few chapters in, so it's too early to make a determination. I am having a little trouble with the slang in the book because it's Irish and I'm not familiar with Irish slang. Also, the copy of the book I picked up at the library smells of cigarette smoke which gives me a headache, so it's difficult to read large portions at a time. We'll see if I make it through. I may need to return it and see if I can get a different copy.

From One Cat to Another...

We've had our youngest cat, Luigi, for just over a year now. September 2006 was a rough time for M. and I. The cat we'd had since shortly after we got together, our Oliver, passed away due to undetermined causes. He was only 8 years old and we had expected him to be a part of our lives much longer. M. said he felt like he'd lost one of his best friends.

After Oliver's passing we debated whether or not to get another cat. We had our 7 year old, Clyde. Would he be lonely when we were at work? Would he totally hate a new little brother? I started looking at the humane society's website and eventually saw our newest family member - a little black kitten named Luigi.

Normally, I would not keep others' names for my cats. Oliver came with the name Teak when we adopted him. Clyde had no name, he was born under my sister-in-law's porch, but he did come with a bunch of fleas! But Luigi seemed perfect. The group of kittens he came to the humane society with were all named after the video game series The Super Mario Brothers. M. and I both are avid video game players, so it seemed fitting this was our baby and he had a video game name. The name stuck and our Luigi he is.

I've been thinking, if Clyde had a conversation with Luigi when Luigi first came to our home, what would it have sounded like? Possibly like this:

Cly (in a hissy voice): I don't like you, but I'm going to tell you some stuff about living here anyway.

Lu just stares, raptly attentive.

Cly: I'm the big brother now, and I make all the rules in this house. You don't have to worry about listening to the people here, I'm the one you need to worry about. Here's some things you need to know:

1. I will not play with you. You may try to get me to play with you, but I will hiss and growl - this will be a true testament to my utter displeasure that you are trying to entice me into kitten play.

1. You will not walk by me or even look at me. If you cross any boundaries with me you are going to get a hiss, a growl, and a prompt swat to the face.

1. I own the prime real estate here - if you see a nice place to lay or sun yourself, assume that is my place and stay away from it


2. While you may be young and energetic, I am the most beautiful boy these people have ever seen and I am the love of their lives - don't even try to win their hearts. Those belong to me.


3. These people sleep way too late. I used to wake them up by knocking things off nightstands and dresser, and batting at things on wall. I am giving that job to you now. I want you in the bedroom early in the morning. Use that loud whiny voice you have to get them up. You can jump on them too. Yes, that would be good, loud meowing and jumping.


4. You may not eat any of my food, however I reserve the right to raid your food bowl any time I wish.

Lu doesn't say a thing, just goes over and picks up a toy and begins playing. Clyde gives him a look of disgust and walks off to take a nap.

Rambling Thoughts From Last Night

The Wizard of Oz was great! Much better than anything my high school ever did when I was in the drama club, but then again we did not have the budget or the student body this school has. (I graduated in a class of 47 students.)

We had dinner at M.'s parent's house prior to the show and I got to see M.'s workspace at the school before we went and found our seats. And now, for your reading pleasure, here is a look into my head and a list of random thoughts from last night:

• Eating Subway at M.'s mom and dad's - not really what I had in mind for a dinner out, but I guess it's okay since they paid for the sandwiches... and totally over anticipated the total price for 4 people (gave M. $40 to buy the subs) and let M. keep the change.
• M.'s mom makes a great apple cheesecake!
• I sure am glad M. drove - it's really dark out here in the rural area this high school is in.
• Watch out for that pothole!
• M.'s coworker's desk looks like a big garbage heap. My Megabyte Man keeps his desk pretty tidy. Why can't he do that at home too?
• M.'s telling me about a bunch of IT technical stuff and I don't know what any of it means. I'll just nod my head and smile. He's so proud of this job.
• Oh no! I can't believe she's here (coworker from MY workplace). I hope our seat is not next to her. She would talk our ear off the entire time.
• These are really good seats, especially for FREE.
• The opening musical thingy at the beginning of this play is too long. I want to see my nephew and find out what a Winkie is.
• Oh, my nephew doesn't come on until Act 2, Scene 5. Hmm, guess I'll just sit back and enjoy for now. That scarecrow is really very good, very floppy. I totally believe he has no brain!
• A Winkie one of the Wicked Witch's henchmen! I never knew. My nephew is a kick ass Winkie!
• Glad we saw the show tonight - snow tomorrow!

Wizard of Oz

Tonight M. and I are going to a high school production of The Wizard of Oz. M. works for a local school system as their Superhero IT Guy (you can call him Megabyte Man). Anyway, he gets free tickets to their theater productions. M.'s not a big theater aficionado, however our oldest nephew will be in this production.

Reasons I am looking forward to seeing the high school play tonight:
10. The Wizard of Oz is a great story

9. This production is supposed to tell the story from a different angle, but I don't remember what the angle was...

8. I was in my high school drama club and it will be nostalgic

7. M. was able to get really good seats since he is the school’s Megabyte Man

6. It’s an outing – something we rarely do

5. I've never seen M.'s work space and will get to before the play

4. I will get to meet people M. works with and hear about how great he is (this may be more a reason for a list M. prepares, but who doesn't like hearing how great their spouse is?!)

3. We're going out to eat beforehand, so dinner and a show

2. Our oldest nephew has a part in the play

1. Time with M. - my Megabyte Man!!

This will be the first play our nephew is in (actually the first any of our nephews or nieces has been in). He had been expecting to get a lead part, despite our trying to prepare him for a bit part (he's only a freshman). He got the part of a Winkie. I'm not sure what a Winkie is - I don't remember them from the movie. Maybe they were in the book? It's been a long, long time since I read the book. Anyway, I guess I find out tonight just what a Winkie is.

A note: for anyone just tuning into this blog and wondering why all the lists, I am participating in NaBloPoMo and March's theme is LISTS!

Snarkily Goodness

It's one snarky day (or in M. language - a crabby day). I don't know why, there is no real reason to be feeling like this today. Maybe M.'s right and a little crab does climb up my ass every now and then and his snapping at my insides just snarks the bejesus out of me!

Snarky is one of my favorite words. It just has a bite to it I like. Crabby is such an old-lady term (sorry, M.). I remember using the word snarky a couple years ago at work and a coworker telling me it wasn't a word. Well, nah, nah, nah (in my snarky-speak) snarky is found on dictionary.com, so most certainly IS a word. Here's the definition:

snark·y
–adjective, snark·i·er, snark·i·est. Chiefly British Slang.
testy or irritable; short.
[Origin: 1910–15; dial. snark to nag, find
fault with (appar. identical with snark, snork to snort, snore, prob.

Yep, that's me. I'm a total naggy snorter! And here's my little secret (shhhh....) I like to be snarky! Sometimes it just feels good to have a snarky run and find all kinds of faults with the world. And, you know what? Today is my day! I am just filled with snarkily goodness today! I've invited the little crab back and he's a-pinchin'!

I (heart) Schwan

I hate, hate, hate shopping in stores. I don't like crowds and I can easily get anxious in crowded stores or malls. Anytime I can shop online I do it. M. and I have been getting Schwan home delivery for the past couple of years. I love it! I just wish I could do all my grocery shopping through Schwans.

Unfortunately for our Schwan man, the weather does not love him. For the past few weeks Tuesdays here have been bad weather day. Guess which day we get Schwan delivery? Yep, every other Tuesday. Last night he came and it was raining and about 35 degrees. The time before last night, it was raining some sleety, freezy rain. Once he arrives he needs to go around his truck bagging up our order, so it can't be pleasant during these Terrible Weather Tuesdays.

So this post is dedicated to my current Schwan man. We went through several unreliable Schwan delivery persons until this one came along. He always shows up when he's supposed to and at around the same time each delivery day. That may not seem like a big deal, but I really appreciate it!

So here are some of our favorite things to order from Schwans:

• buttermilk pancakes
  
• chicken and three cheese quesadillas
• roasted turkey and vegetable dinner
• seasoned stuffed chicken breasts
• diced chicken breast meat
• beef tips dinner
• creamy mashed potatoes
• chicken marsala with bowtie pasta
• apple cinnamon french toast sticks
• six cheese tortellini
• beef, bean, and two cheese chimichangas
• grilled cheese toastwich
• chicken tortilla soup
• krunchie potato wedges

Mmmmm!!

My Psychic Powers

Despite what some people out there may think, I do not have psychic powers, but thank you for thinking it is so.

Part of my job is coordinating interagency agreements between the organization I work for and the organizations we work with. In order for me to know we need to get an agreement in place, I need notification from my coworkers. This afternoon I received an email from a coworker saying they were following up on the agreement with ABC Agency - they had not seen anything in ABC Agency's file to indicate where we were with getting the agreement in place.

For the life of me, I could not remember being notified that ABC Agency needed an agreement, but thought I might have missed the initial email, so I emailed coworker back and let her know I wasn't aware ABC Agency needed an agreement, but I'd give them a call right then and follow up tomorrow if I was not able to speak with anyone today.

Coworker emails me back to let me know they just learned of the need for the agreement today. Well, sorry for missing that mental vibe you sent me earlier...

THIS GETS THE BIG EYE ROLL!!

The Worst Grocery Shopping Experience

We're having a goodbye lunch for those who were laid off at work today. This is their last week. Typically, we do carry-ins for such occasions, and this time was no different. I decided to mix up some chicken ranch burritos, but in order to make them I had to run to the grocery store on my way home from work yesterday. Here are the reasons why it was the worst trip to the grocery store - EVER!!

• It was pouring rain outside
• The traffic lights were out at a major intersection. A police officer was directing traffic and all lanes got to go TWICE before mine
• Finally nearing the grocery store, cars were backed out onto the street in a line to get gas at a station that still had gas for $3.01/gallon
• It was too windy for my umbrella to give me adequate coverage from the rain
• M. was not with me to temper my crowd anxiety
• It took me all of 5 minutes to get the few things I needed and then I stood in a checkout line for about 15 minutes
• The lady at the head of the checkout line (with a full cart) did not bag any of her items, she just stood there while they were rung up
• The cashier put in too much money when Ms. I Don't Bag paid her and we had to wait for a manager override
• When I finally was on my way out a lady stood right in the out door while she attempted to open her umbrella - blocking passage for anyone else who might want to exit the store - like ME

In any case, I did get what I needed and made it home safely. The burrito stuff is in the fridge at work just waiting for me to prepare it for today's lunch. Hopefully today will go better than yesterday - but so far the weather has not been a good indicator. It's still raining here...

The Big Eye Roll

With M. I am known for rolling my eyes. He says I roll my eyes at everything. Which isn't true, of course, but I do know I do a lot of eye rolling. So I have created a new label for my posts: The Big Eye Roll. This way I can post about things that do, in fact, make me roll my eyes. Here is a list to get us rolling of things that have recently made me roll my eyes, thus getting the BIG EYE ROLL:

• Little Miss Blondie driving down the road in her sporty convertible with the top down in 45 degree weather
• The new van blessing on wheels
• Someone calls you, asks for "so and so." You tell them they have the wrong number and then they say, "so, so and so isn't there?"
• The "Kiss & Tell" promos on the Oxygen channel - have you seen those?!
• When my older cat hisses at the younger one just for walking by
• My cats acting like they are starving two hours before their regularly scheduled feeding time
• M. saying he will help clean the house
• Coworkers needing to talk about how many calories are in whatever they are eating (especially when I'm trying to read during lunch)
• Gushy, lovey, chic flicks
• Receiving American Baby magazine in the mail last Friday - is this my sister-in-law's idea of joke (or perhaps a not-so-subtle hint)?
• Lots of other things I am not thinking of right now and will probably write about later...
  

Old Lady Lunch

Last Friday I was invited to lunch with some of the front office staff. They were taking one of the people who were laid off in the last round of company cuts. I was surprised to be invited, but agreed to go along. In all, seven women were gathered around the table at lunch and all were over 40 except myself. (Disclaimer: Please, if you are 40 or over, do not take offense to my post title - this refers specifically to those I was dining with and their personalities.)

Here is a list of things that happened during Old Lady Lunch:

• On the way to the restaurant I got to hear how Ms. Obvious's new van is a great big blessing from God on wheels
• Once at the restaurant I got to listen to everyone complain about how small the type on the menus was, how they couldn't read the menu because the lighting was bad...
  
• Two people did 98% of the talking (I was not one of them)
  
• I got to hear all about heartthrobs from the 60's and 70's
• At the end of the lunch I waited for about 15 minutes while the others tried to decide the most efficient way to combine checks to make their plethora of coupons go the farthest

Froggy Love

Did you know frogs are becoming extinct? Amphibian Ark has dubbed 2008 Year of the Frog.

There are lots of ways people can help support AArk in it's mission to keep frogs going - just check out their website. Hey, you can even download a frog chirp ringtone for your phone. That's pretty cool! You can also encourage your local zoo to become Association of Zoo and Aquariums (AZA) accredited. Geico is an AZA supporter!

I had seen something about this situation when I recently visited a zoo website. I had also seen the AZA endorsement pop up on Geico commercials. Then today there was an article in an area paper about what one of our local zoos is doing in way of support for the frogs.

I have always loved frogs and would have had them as pets if my mother and sister did not abhor amphibians and reptiles in the house. I am hoping 2008 will be an extremely successful year for our froggy friends. Send some love to the froggies of the world! (How can you not support an organization with a logo so cute?!)

Here's some stats for you from the AZA (and my first list for March NaBloPoMo):

• There are about 6,000 species of frogs in the world and about half of them are in danger of extinction


• 34 species are known to already be extinct


• 130 species have not been seen in the wild in recent years


• North America are currently prepared to manage only 10 frog species long-term


• AZA zoos each only have to take responsibility for only 1 frog specie to start towards a solution to this problem